Heres a request to every husband out there: Stand up for your wife and protect her from the attacks that come from the people close to you. Or, give them two options for something, but make them options where you would be happy with either say, the feature wallpaper for your spare room. "My husband always supports his mother" - the more you let this thought fester in your mind, the harder it will be to accept their bond. Indian mothers-in-law are said to be pretty possessive about their sons and so, at times they cause unnecessary fights and arguments with their daughter-in-law. In Indian extended homes, husbands might want to help their wives in the kitchen but since their fathers never helped their mothers, they are unable to do it because they fear a backlash on the wife from the family. Consistently choosing their mom over their wife and children. Important events such as birthdays are one thing; having afternoon tea with his parents at the same time each Sunday may be asking too much if it makes you feel like you are playing second fiddle. Those potential awkward situations are bound to happen. One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. Parenting . But what to do if your mother-in-law tags along everywhere? Best sneakers, best brands! If you try to find a compromise with him, he wont be forced to choose between you or his family. How To Make Him Fear Losing You: 17 Effective Ways, 11 Daily Struggles Youll Face While Dating A Mamas Boy. The attitude starts to shuffle, the ideas are different, the future plans are different, and their responsibilities shift. Refusing to move far away from their mom, or even still living with her. If you cant make me your priority; then stop expecting me to make you my priority. He's your ex-boyfriend, or, if you prefer, your former fianc. Living with his mother (at the time of her death) was his 26- year-old younger sister and 25-year-old All about sneakers. Is there anything I can do about it?. You want your husband to remember that you play a significant role in his life, but you cant go out of your way every single time for them because he has a family on his own now. Youre contemplating the reasons for his actions and even if the two of you have a future together anymore. So dont give up on him immediately. We've detected your location as Mumbai. Their childhood and pre-birth bond are still very much present, and it is very likely that the son is incapable of admitting the faults of the mother. That's why your husband chooses his family over you because his connection with his family never evolved to the next level. The biggest mistake that you could make is to involve other people in solving your marriage issues. It breaks my heart that when I was insulted, you never stood up for me. Mention the necessity of keeping a marital bond intact. Work together to find a solution for this particular problem. Our vision is to become a supportive community where youll feel that theres someone out there who gets you, supports you in creating and keeping strong bonds between your families and friends. It's no surprise when relatives come knocking at your door any time of the week. Here youll find some tips that could help you deal with this issue. 12 Things To Do When Your Husband Chooses His Family Over You, 1. This can be difficult if his friends are toxic to the marriage, but it's worth trying. Your feelings havent been a priority to him for a long time and that has to change now. Allow All Cookies. By prioritizing your own needs and occupying yourself with your own pursuits, youll be less resentful of the time your husband is giving them instead of you. And Im not one to judge this is a great thing. Do not build resentment over this. .If your husband is choosing friends over you, one way to get him to spend more time with you is to suggest spending more time together as a family. And now that hes married, he might have difficulties changing them as he failed to mature enough to do so. To know if. Try to ignore the bad things and look for the good ones.. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Manage Settings If he doesnt have your back in this situation, how can you ever trust him or depend on him in more serious circumstances? Healthy communication with your partner means you always talk about everything with him and make all of your decisions together. In most Indian families, especially in joint ones, sons are expected to be there and fulfil every need of their parents, even if it means prioritising them more than their wife. Trust me, youll feel instantly better when you open up to him. One simple piece of advice that can go a long way in resolving the deadlock is to become a part of his family, in true earnest. What to do when your husband is too attached to his family and they get a say in all decisions big and small regarding your lives and that of your children? The problem isn't your job. Related Reading: How Destructive Are Indian In-Laws? This page contains affiliate links. Or does he rush to help his little sister with every little crisis she may have, leaving you grappling with the feeling my husband always chooses his sister over me. Does your home feel like a Dharamsala where relatives walk in without even calling and expect you to leave everything and make tea and snacks for them the moment they show their face? But dont let those feelings turn into resentment. His mother passed away three years ago, unexpectedly. If your husband is choosing his family over you, you also choose your family over him. Their motto is, "Once family, always family." By. 3.) But you cannot always choose your family over your spouse. Youll only get complicate things if you pull others into the situation. Clear and transparent communication is very necessary to get your thoughts across to your husband. Why is it that only the mothers in law are the ones who are the most difficult to please? And thats a beautiful thing. Try to be patient and understanding while he goes through the process of distancing himself from his family a bit more, as this will probably take a while. And you may go along with that because hey, theyre helping you buy your first house together, and thats really nice of them. Copyright A Conscious Rethink. Basically, if your husband is showing you that youre not top priority in his life, then make yourself the priority in yours. As you can imagine, the generational gap is quite huge, so there are bound to be fights and arguments for sure. It's always a good thing to see your husband spending time with his family and . When you call me at 4 a.m. please remember that unlike you, my priorities do not consist of getting drunk. You never mentioned that your promise of protecting me comes with *Terms and Condition. If he insists on spending every weekend with his family, you are well within your rights to say no and to do your own thing instead sometimes, especially if your relationship with his family is a little strained. Im not just talking about emotional maturity, but physical and mental as well. Simple as that. I didnt leave my parents and my home to be treated like an educated maid. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? 5 ways in which marriage turned out the opposite of what I imagined, 7 Tips For Men Who Are Stuck Between Wife And Mother In A Joint Family, 12 Ways to Deal With a Jealous Mother-In-Law. Indian mothers do not let go of their sons even after marriage, Setting Boundaries With In-laws 8 No Fail Tips, 5 reasons why the Indian family is killing the Indian marriage, 5 ways to deal with your husbands parents, The 7 Ways Mothers-In-Law Ruin Marriages With Tips On How To Save Yours, Distancing Yourself From In-Laws The 7 Tips That Almost Always Work, 8 Effective Ways To Deal With A Jealous Daughter-In-Law, How To Talk To Your Husband When The Other Woman Is His Mother, How To Impress Your In-laws In The First Meeting, 10 Thoughts That Come To Your Mind When Your Mother-In-Law Visits You, 10 Ways To Deal With Disrespectful In-laws, 15 Clever Ways To Deal With A Manipulative, Scheming Mother-In-Law. I'm more of a take sides kinda gal. Rajesh is a protective and caring son, and Meenu treats that affection as an affront to her place in her life. Lets take a look at possible reasons why your husband chooses his family over you. Tell him to have the weekends for such visits. If they try to pressure you into agreeing with them, you will have to stand firm and refuse to give in. One day he visits the hospital, the other day Maths with a son. You didnt mention that your promise comes with an exception that you will not protect me if I have been attacked by your own family. He may get really defensive, and tell you that youre being over sensitive or that things arent that big a deal. Unlike when in the UK or US where mothers often stop to have a drink after work before heading home, you would always see an Indian mom rushing home from work to help her child with homework or toss up delicacies for them. This can't happen when a husband feels like loving his wife will somehow keep him from loving and respecting his mother. And so, it remains a constant battle for a married woman to get her husbands attention over the in-laws. Mothers have a distinct bond with their children; they can sense their childs need almost telepathically. This is a reality in many homes in India and wives are expected to entertain relatives because the husband is choosing his family over his wife. So, take a step back and breathe. I jumped at the idea of moving in with his family (Mom, Dad, 22 year old brother, and 16 year old . Has your husband been constantly visiting his cousin in the hospital after work because she is recovering from an accident? Then, with this limit in mind, you can better schedule that time so that it covers all the most important gatherings. Women Power . group fitness instructor characteristics. There are no constant knocks on the door by his family to get their thoughts across. They could get crazy money for their house in the market so I (a real estate agent) sold their house and facilitated the purchasing of their new home. Can You Match Actresses To Their Movies Based On Saree Looks In This Quiz? Should he balk at that idea, or insist that you back down and accept abuse and ill treatment for the sake of maintaining familial harmony, then youll have some tough decisions ahead of you. Still, youre wondering: What has this anything to do with you? And then there are times when men choose to live with their parents even though they have some other options. Over the days and weeks that followed, my husband stood his ground. Women, here, have the upper hand. If you dont, then you could be alienating him from you. Tell him that you had the same issue, that you had a hard time focusing on your marriage and choosing him over your parents. There could be a circumstance when your husband really needs to give his family his undivided attention and financial help. Furthermore, there may be instances when a husband has choose his family over his wife a variety of unforeseeable family emergencies can develop, requiring a son's attention. They are there almost as soon as the first coo releases from the childs mouth. Create your own boundaries, your husband will start realizing what is possible and what is not possible. Its not uncommon in married life for there to be fights and arguments between a wife and a mom-in-law or husband and father-in-law. He needs to take care of you and not be so focused on his parents that he forgets about you. It's on the Rogue River with 10 acres, a beautiful 3500 sqft home and an Adu above the barn. On top of that, if your husband accepts he has a problem and hes willing to cooperate, that shows you that youre still his priority. Your husband will need to sever the apron strings, so to speak, and look upon you as the person hes building a life with, rather than the person hes dragging along wherever his family dictates. Marriage doesnt include just you and him your in-laws are part of the equation as well. So what to do when your husband chooses his family over you? 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